You've probably seen a few pictures from my trips to France, but you won't have seen this one.
It was taken, with my phone, while I was standing alone by Honfleur harbor late at night on day 4 of what sure looked like a dream vacation.
We had left the hotel to grab a quick bite before heading back there for just one restful night and driving to paris in the morning. We had been on the move since our plane landed and I was so tired, but, while walking to dinner, we had a fight - a loud, public, I-can't-take-this-anymore fight. I'm sure the whole street heard us. he walked away and there I was.
All the way to Normandy and still, there I was, and so was he and now there was no one else. His phone was the only one that worked. He had all of the euros. All I had was a room key.
I realized that I had given away my power without noticing, for convenience, in the small things, thinking that it didn't matter as long as we stuck together. I hadn't planned for this.
I knew how to get back to the hotel but I didn't go there right away. Instead, I walked aimlessly, sticking to the water so I wouldn't get lost. I stopped here because there wasn't anyone around so, I could speak quietly to myself, hear my own voice, and admit some things I still wasn't prepared to say to anyone else: that all was not right and I was so, so tired.
When I got back to the room it was empty for a bit. When he came back, we had dinner and spent the next 5 days in a very different paris from the one we had visited the year before. But I like to think that we did a really good job of hiding it.
The harbor isn't as lovely at night. Google it and you'll see. The colorful storefronts are hardly visible, the charming locals are asleep (or eavesdropping on hungry tourists). The boats aren't so romantic, they're just small and messy, it smells of dead fish and all of the shops and houses look the same. You trip over the cobblestones when you can't see them and I couldn't make even my tiny feet fit without stumbling.
But we take pictures in the daylight and those are the ones that we share and don't our lives look so easy, aren't we all so beautiful and don't we seem so happy?